For All The Stars
by meruhen
Summary: Yukimura returns a month after his surgery


Exactly one month goes by from the time of Yukimura's surgery and his return to the classrooms of Rikkaidai. One month. Yanagi knows because he's made it a habit to count the days going by, and this was about Yukimura. How could he not know?

It's a surprise, when Yukimura returns. There had been no word. Sanada and Yanagi had been at Yukimura's house over the weekend, indulging him his laughter and happiness (indulging, Yanagi thinks, and laughs. No word could be further from the truth.) And he had said nothing.

But one month goes by and Yanagi and Sanada walk into their classroom in the morning, and discover a shock that is second only to the shock they had received when their captain collapsed, all those months ago.

This shock is much a more pleasing incident – it shows in their eyes and their actions, noticeable only to people who know them well. Niou stops by and grins at them and slings an arm around Yukimura's shoulders. He's followed by Yagyuu and Marui and Jackal and lastly, Kirihara, who is the most excited in his surprise and forgets that he is not supposed to be in the classroom.

But no one stops him or scolds him, not even the teachers who walk past. Yukimura's laughter is infectious and it has been too long since they've all heard it.

Yanagi thinks his heart can get no happier, and smiles to himself. Above Kirihara's curly hair, Yukimura meets his eyes.

-

"Buchou's not coming back to practice yet?" Kirihara demands that very afternoon, when Yanagi and Sanada walk into the locker room without Yukimura leading them.

"The doctors have said not yet," Sanada explains, his voice gruff. Kirihara's not alone in wishing Yukimura would return to the courts, although the baby of their team is the most vocal and violent in showing his disappointment, slamming his fist against a locker and running from the room.

"I'll find him," Yanagi murmurs, and leaves before anyone can object or stop him – not that anyone would, because none of them are sure of how to deal; it's a limbo they are all in, their captain there but not, haunting them just as surely as he had during the months before Regionals.

Kirihara's running laps and Yanagi waits on the bench he knows Kirihara will pass by in the course of his run, reaching out to grab his wrist as Kirihara passes by.

"Seiichi will be back. He just can't come back yet."

"He can watch."

Yanagi smiles at that, because he had briefly entertained the same idea when Yukimura announced he wouldn't be there for practice.

"Do you think Seiichi could come and watch and not want to play?" Yanagi asks Kirihara, because he knows the answer and he knows Kirihara knows the answer.

"No."

"That is why he won't be coming until the doctors say he is capable of it."

Kirihara sighs and growls and brushes a hand over his eyes and Yanagi is tempted to put his arm around the boy and hug him, but refrains. The sentiment would not be appreciated, not then. He simply lets the silence grow between them, until Kirihara is ready to speak.

"Is Yukimura-buchou going to go to Nationals with us?"

It's maybe not the question Yanagi was expecting, but its close enough, and Yanagi answers, maybe not the set-in-stone truth, but what truth is unchanging?

"Yes. He'll be there with us."

It's a promise and a plea, all at once, because Yanagi hopes it is so, too.

-

Yukimura counts tennis balls at night, to fall asleep; he has his racket restrung the second day he was able to go out, demanding Jackal to go with him during practice to get it done. He promises Sanada will assign no laps, but even without that promise, Jackal would have agreed: there's a light in Yukimura's eyes that is hard to say no to, and the entire tennis team, Regulars and sub-regulars and new members alike remember why they have pledged themselves to follow this fearful captain of theirs.

Yukimura, instead of dropping off the racket and returning later, spends the entire time in the tennis shop, and Jackal begins to think Yukimura is comparable to a girl in a clothing store, giddy over a new wristband the way girls get giddy over new shoes. And it's hard to reconcile this happy-go-lucky person with the captain that frightens them all, even Sanada, on occasion.

Tennis practice hasn't been the same without Yukimura. It won't be until he returns, normal and familiar. Jackal spends most of Tuesday afternoon hoping Yukimura is the same, when he returns, even if it means a thousand and one laps and an infinite number of drills.

The thoughts sit easily on his mind; he does not question it beyond that. This is what the team has been waiting for, and it's what will make them whole after their loss.

-

The rest of the week goes by much like that: Yukimura demands and the Regulars listen. Wednesday it is Marui who is gone, Thursday Niou and Yagyuu together – Sanada dreads the return of those two, for three minds, especially the minds of Niou and Yukimura put together, and Yagyuu, are possible of mass chaos. But Friday is calm and serene and he doesn't even have to order Niou to run laps.

Kirihara's also gone on Friday, which might be why.

Despite a major tournament coming up, Sanada cancels Saturday's practice. No one asks why; the reasons are all too obvious. It's rumored Yukimura will return on Monday, but no one is sure and no one dares to ask to confirm the whispers.

Too much has changed, and not enough: too much is different now, but it's all leading to one thing, that which they all wish for, but it's odd and Yanagi knows all too well how the human mind can adapt to abnormalities and make it normal. It's how they survive, its how Rikkai has survived: Yukimura's return, even if was a return to the norm of before, is an oddity in their lives.

Yanagi wonders if he's the only one to feel it, and suspects he is. He doesn't confirm it though, which drives him somewhat crazy: incomplete data is frustrating.

-

Monday morning and it's no different than before, although for Yanagi, seeing Yukimura's figure seated in his usual spot still requires adjustment; it's unexpected and startling, after all of those months of not seeing him. It makes Yanagi's heart constrict.

But as normal as Monday morning is, it holds an air of anticipation and it's hard to concentrate on anything, even for Yanagi who can pay attention to the teachers no matter what he feels like or what else is going on in his mind. He blames it on Yukimura, who is too driven and passionate, made even more so by his brush with his own mortality, and beautiful for it. He makes it neigh impossible to concentrate on anything that is not him.

Yanagi doesn't even realize it when lunch arrives, he's lost in thought; Yukimura has to shake his arm, and Yanagi blushes beneath the seemingly knowing grin that is on his captain's face.

"Daydreaming, Renji?" Yukimura asks, and Yanagi knows that Yukimura was perfectly well aware of the blush on his face and quite possibly knows the reasons why.

"I was lost in thought." And when Yukimura laughs, Yanagi can't help but groan quietly. He might be one of the smartest people in the school and one known to hide his emotions but Yukimura knows him too well, reads him too easily.

"Don't think too hard," Yukimura tells him, and disappears. Sanada joins Yanagi a moment later, nodding to him, and they eat in silence, a semblance of normality settling over them.

Yanagi tries not to wonder where Yukimura has disappeared too.

-

The tennis courts are crowded and full, freshman performing basic drills and sub-regulars busy practicing serves, and the Regulars are grouped around Yanagi, who speaks of training menus and practices for Nationals. There is no time to waste anymore. They all know this. The atmosphere is serious, over the crowds, focus, concentration, and dedication rising to the front for all of them.

But it all stops, everything; not at once but slowly, a wave rising and rising, sweeping over the courts, until it crashes into thunderous applause and cheers.

The captain has returned.

-

Yanagi watches Yukimura closely, and he knows they all do, each in their own way. It's Yukimura's first day back, and they all are reminded only too well of what went on the last time he was there.

But even if they all watch him with careful expressions, his presence sparks something in them all, even the freshman who will never have a chance to play under him. Drills are done quicker, practice matches run smoothly, with little argument from anyone. And Yukimura watches it all, eyes carefully observing, mouth moving into a grimace of displeasure, a slight smile. He doesn't play that day – doctor's orders – but anyone can see the impatience that resides in him.

Yanagi lingers after practice, and Sanada does too, without having to be asked. Which is good because once the last of the Regulars are gone, Yukimura's shoving a paper into Yanagi's hands.

"My physical therapist gave me that. What I need to limit myself to every day. Shouldn't go over it, not supposed to strain myself," Yukimura grumbles. "It's not enough to get back into shape before Nationals, and look – there's not even a spot for tennis on there!"

Yanagi, quickly reading over the paper, has to hide his grin behind it. Yukimura's love of the game amused him at times, when it did not take his breath away. "If we alter the arm exercises, and account for all of the running you have to do in a game, it might be possible." He glances at the paper again. "Not this week – stick to practicing your serve and accuracy challenges for now – and next week, we'll go up to light games. Against a couple of the weaker sub-"

"NO!"

Yukimura's shout takes Yanagi by surprise, and a quick glance tells him that Sanada is taken aback it as well; it's odd to hear Yukimura raise his voice, especially to them.

"None of the team is to know anything. I do not want to falter before any of them and to play a game against a sub-regular, and possibly lose-" and there, Yukimura's mouth screws up into something that is completely unfamiliar on his face and Yanagi's heart lurches – "would wreck havoc within the team, discourage our morale. I won't allow it."

Even if the look on Yukimura's face is odd – a mixture of sadness and fear and so much anger – his tone is not, and there is no denying that tone, at least not for Yanagi or Sanada.

"It would be best if you are seen on the courts, at least a couple of times," Yanagi says. "We can set you up to practice serves during the day, so everyone can see. Or drills for accuracy, that won't require much running or risk you losing against anyone."

"That will do." Yukimura's pacing now, in front of the lockers; frowning and serious, but still Yukimura, in Rikkai's colors and thinking of the team. "And I want you two to practice with me after practices."

He doesn't expect a no from either them; Yukimura knows them too well. And he doesn't get one, although the murmured agreements from them are a minute in coming. Yanagi glances at Sanada, and words are exchanged between them without speaking. They'll train with Yukimura daily; even if it's to make sure their captain does not push himself too hard.

"We'll take turns," Sanada says aloud. "Are you sure you want to spend that much time –"

His question goes unfinished; Yukimura looks at him and it says everything either of them wished to know.

-

Mornings are the oddest for Yanagi, because he wakes up with too much on his mind and images flashing before his eyes. He knows what puberty is, has already spent too much time waking up to morning problems and discomfort and embarrassing questions. His mother washes his sheets daily.

But these days are the first he wakes up with a face in his mind and a name on his lips.

It's just another weird thing for him, and Yanagi resorts to the notebooks he normally has no need for, takes to carrying one around and feels like Inui.

-

"Recording data on all of us?" Niou asks, the first day Yanagi has the notebook with him. "I thought you already had it, Master."

"It's impossible to get sufficient data on you, Niou," Yanagi says. "Perhaps I wish to record all of your games and spend more time analyzing them."

Niou laughs and rolls his eyes, but asks no more questions. He knows it's a lie, but he's not going to probe, for which Yanagi is thankful. He doesn't want to admit the notebook is simply for one thing, to record the instances when he feels the oddest, and the situations going on around him.

-

**Day One**

-8:35am; grinned. Pulse 75.

-10:35am; laughter at G bad joke. Pulse 80.

-Lunch; touched. Unable to record, nervous/(excited).

-2:43pm; frowned. Worried. Ask if s/t wrong.

-Practice; shirt rode up. Pulse 100.

(Reminder: next check-up, ask about high b/p.)

-G turn to stay. Didn't want to leave. Did homework, made too many mistakes.

-Fear failing next Eng. Test

**Day Two**

-Woke up to kissing pillow. Weird dream. Do not wish to think.

-Avoided S in morning. A asked what was wrong. Lied.

-11:15am; grinned. Pulse 85

-Spent Eng. lesson daydreaming. Must stop this.

-Not sure how to deal with practice or later.

-Serve practice went good. Heard too much laughter

-11:45 pm; past bedtime but unable to sleep. Thinking too much.

**Day Three**

-Sister laughed when rushed into bathroom before her. Think she suspects.

-7:30am; S called to ask question about history. Unable to take pulse but felt weird. Maybe sick?

-Left house late; got to campus just in time.

-9:30am; teacher asked if okay. Felt embarrassed. Too much knowledge in S eyes.

-Lunch with G; went fine.

-Practice normal. Avoided S.

**Day Four**

-Morning fine. Suspect too tired.

-Forgot about Eng. test. Suspect low grade.

-Lunch with S. Think he understands. Worrisome. Pulse 85, taken twice.

-Assigned self extra laps. G asked why. Lied.

-S asked for help with homework Sat night. Said sleep over.

-V. worried.

-

Yanagi stares at the Yukimura's front door for a full minute before knocking, and it's answered right away, by Yukimura.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to knock," Yukimura tells him, as Yanagi removes his shoes and Yanagi feels the flush rise on his cheeks, something only Yukimura is ever able to cause.

"I was thinking," Yanagi replies; it's his excuse for everything lately, and even to his ears it sounds lame. It's made him paranoid these past few days, as if anyone can see through it, to the root of the matter. It's weird and odd and another thing he needs to analyze but can't, thinking that people can read him: he's never felt it before.

"You think too much, Renji." Yukimura shakes his head, and Yanagi feels younger than he should, younger even than Yukimura, but pushes the thought from his mind. "Sometimes it's useful to stop thinking about it."

"I'm used to thinking all the time, Seiichi," Yanagi responds, as they make their way to Yukimura's room. "To not do so would be odd and hardly useful."

There's a flash of something in Yukimura's eyes, and Yanagi can't identify it, or won't, but they're in Yukimura's room by then and it's forgotten, because Yukimura picks up the hefty history book they have, and shoves it at Yanagi. "I stayed up with the English and the math, but let my Japanese and history and literature classes suffer. We've got that history test next week, and I know we'll have a test in Japanese soon." He grins, and there's not an edge to it, only Yukimura and all of his wiles, playing up his best point. "So get me caught up with everything."

Yanagi does laugh at that, and relaxes; at least when he is teaching, it won't be possible for him to think about how close Yukimura is, or his smell, or the way he shifts and bites his pencil – and Yanagi flushes again and jerks his gaze away from Yukimura to look at the book. He can't be thinking like that, he tells him, not now, when Yukimura needs his help.

"It's going to be a long night," he says, and opens the history book. Yukimura laughs at that.

-

"Renji," Yukimura says, and Yanagi jerks, startled; Yukimura's voice was right next to his ear and when Yanagi looks, his eyes open as they rarely are, Yukimura is right next to him, close; too close, because Yanagi forgets how to breathe. "You're thinking too much again."

"I don't think that's possible, for me."

"It's especially possible for you. Sometimes you have to let go and stop thinking."

"I've always been an analyst, Seiichi."

"That's your one fault."

Yanagi blinks at Yukimura, because that statement contains something he doesn't wish to identify in it. There's far too much going on that he doesn't want to think about or analyze, for all that he likes it: some things are better left buried, repressed – the consequences are too great. And Yanagi's smart enough to know that that's a combination of his emotional, hormonal teenage side – the side that makes him wake up with hard-ons - and his coolly logical side – the side that dislikes emotions whatsoever - talking.

"There are only a few stars out tonight." The change is topic is swift and unexpected, and Yanagi has to blink at it, and shift in his chair to look out of Yukimura's window.

"The smog and other lights-"

"Renji," Yukimura says. "Stop thinking."

"Once again Seiichi, I'll have to insist –"

"That you can't. I just think it's because you are afraid to stop."

Yanagi can't stop his indrawn breath, and Yukimura flashes a grin at him, this time edge with knowledge, because that simple breath confirms what they both know: Yukimura's right. But he says nothing, and simply continues speaking, his eyes still on the night sky.

"There are times when I wish I lived in a different place, where it's easier to see the stars. I thought about it a lot when I was in the hospital."

"We'd miss you if you were somewhere else," Yanagi murmurs; not because it's the right thing to say, although true, but Yukimura has paused and Yanagi knows he's waiting for something.

"Do the stars miss the moon when it is not there?"

Yanagi feels like he's standing on the edge of something and one step in the wrong direction, which is either direction, will sending him spiraling into a world he doesn't understand. But there's one that promises something, and the other offers nothing: it's his choice.

He takes the promise.

"They do not have to compete with the moon's light then, but the night sky is incomplete without the moon."


End file.
